THE GREAT BREAKFAST FOOD DEBATE CONTINUES HERE...
(Caution, crude locker room language.)
Griff: "Just wondering why you couldn't tell if
the players were men or women. Maybe hockey players don't have dicks? "*laughs*
"That's why you can't see 'em. Hey is this pussy, kasha stuff always this
color? Where are my eggs?" *Waitress nods.*" That's okay, honey."
*winks at waitress*. "Serve the temperamental hockey dickless wonder
first."
 |
| PETRO SHEVENKO |
Petro: "Trust
me, footballer, we have dicks. And balls as well. And a Cup to put them in.
Yes, it is always that color. Stop whining like mulish child and eat. These
eggs are not scrambled, they are fried and loose."*wrinkles nose and prods
at eggs with fork*
Griff: "Honey, could you please take that away and bring some
scrambled eggs, with ham. And make them hard? Thanks. " *Turns to Petro* "At
least something on your side of the table will be hard besides your head."
*chuckles*"So you're fully equipped? You put it in a cup? "*bursts
into laughter* " Why hide it? We wear cups too, but no one would aim at a
guys dick. Guess lowlife hockey players do that. Shoot the puck at his dick, and
then get the rebound and score while the guy in on the ground writhing in pain.
Not really a sport, is it? Hey, bring me some maple syrup, brown sugar,
strawberries and any other berries you have. Have to do some to this pussy
food." *Makes a face* "Thanks, honey." *Smiles at the waitress*
Petro:
"You would be funny if you were not so stupid. I meant the greatest trophy
in the world, Lord Stanley`s Cup. And if you said bad words about The Cup, I
will make your face even uglier." *raises fist*
Griff:
*Raises palm*"No, no, I never say bad stuff about a trophy. Maybe just the
dickless wonders who compete for it."
Petro:
"You are not as stupid as you look. "*lowers fist and glances at
waitress* "At least they make the coffee right. Your trophy is okay as
well."
Griff: "Damn straight it is. And we get
rings, too. What about you? *Piles on the maple syrup, berries and adds sugar*.
This shit isn't so bad, when you fix it up a little. You think I look stupid? We go to a bar and I'll
bet you more women come over to me than you. They love the way I look. Football
is sexy, Americans know that."
Petro: "Yes, we too get rings when we
win. Big ones with many diamonds." *cuts off some egg* "This is not
all that bad. It still tastes like chicken ass. Ha-ha. That is funny! It is
known American women love men from other countries. Just listen to my accent
and tell me it is not sexiest sounding thing you hear ever."
 |
| GRIFF MONTGOMERY |
Griff: "I've never tasted a chicken's ass." *laughs,
takes a spoonful of oatmeal.*" Not so bad. Yeah, they love accents but
they love hairy chests and tight abs.
I can get laid five times with five different women in one night, if I want to."
Petro:
"I have not either, but I think it tastes like egg. True, women love hairy
chest and tight abs. Many tell me so when I am bedding one after another. I am
like Russian bear. Go from one hot she-bear to another." *takes a small
bite of egg*
Griff:
"Ha ha! I've never fu—"
*Jean
shouts from next booth* "GRIFF!!"\
"I've never had sex with an animal. It's
illegal here. Does your Coach know you're screwing willdlilfe?"
Petro:
"HA!"*hits table with hand* "You
should see my woman when I am giving her good love. She claws and bites like
Russian she-bear in heat. It is because I have huge dick. *someone swats the
back of Petro`s head* Ouch!" *looks up*"Oh, hello beloved. Griff,
this is my love Margarite. And who is this other pretty lady?"
Griff:
*Griff smiles sheepishly as his woman stares hard at him*" This is Lauren,
my beautiful woman." She opens her mouth to speak, but he holds up his
hand." I haven't said a word about the size of your...oh, uh. Never mind.
Nice to meet you, Margarite. Have some eggs."
Petro:
*slides over to let Margarite sit beside him*" She does not hear, so you
must look at her face when talk. Nice to meet you, Lauren. Your man is having
oatmeal and liking it so good. It will make him bear in bed."
Griff:
"I'm already a lion in bed, right Lauren? "*Griff picks up plate and
offers to Margarite. Lauren blushes* “See, she's speechless. Never had such
good loving as she gets from me."
*Lauren
picks up spoon with oatmeal on it and shoves it in Griff's mouth.*
Petro:
*Margarite begins signing* "She says I talk much and say nothing. Wait. No!
I say much good today. Ha! Your woman spoon feeds you like big baby!"
Griff:
*tries to talk, but his mouth is stuffed.
Lauren:"He
is a big baby. My big baby. "*Lauren pats his cheek as he chews.* "Have
you been good today? Jean is shaking her head. Why is she doing that? *Griff
shrugs and blushes*
Petro:
"I knew he was big baby. And yes, I have been good. Do not look at me with
evil eyes. Ask Vicki. *Margarite turns around to look at Vicki who shakes her
head*
Lauren: "What are you eating, Griff? Is that
oatmeal?" *Footballer nods.*" What did you put on it?"
Griff: "Maple syrup, brown sugar,
fruit butter, and it's still...yucky."
Lauren: *laughs*Petro got you to eat
oatmeal? That's a feat. No bacon and eggs?"
*Griff wipes chin* "Bring on the
real man food. I've had enough of that baby mush. Pussy food."
Lauren:"Did you say pussy?" *stares
hard at Griff*
Griff:"Oops. Sorry."
*Margarite`s eyebrows rise*
Petro:"He did well considering how
he whimpered like toddler before food come. I too have tried the American
breakfast. It is not bad. Not as good as Olaf`s kasha, but not bad."
*Margarite begins to sign. Petro nods*
“She says we are losing time. No. Making
time short. No.Short on time! Ha! I am good with the English."
Griff: "Yeah, about as good as your judgment on breakfast
food." *laughs*
Petro:"
You will laugh out other side of face when that kasha kicks in. Your woman will
wonder where mealy little football man went when she finds herself under a wild
bear. Ouch! Why do you pinch me? *looks at Margarite who is gesticulating
madly* "Ah. She says I am making big talk with no brains. Ha! Wait . . ."
Griff:"
I'm already a wild stallion. A lion in the bedroom! If I get any wilder, she'll
need a whip to tame me. Hmm. Interesting idea. Or maybe I could try it out on
hockey players?"
Petro: "A horse ass perhaps."*Looks down at Margarite tapping his thick arm* "Yes,
beloved. We are both horse asses? No, you did not read my lips good."
*Margarite throws her hands into the
air*
Griff: "I guess she'll do the whipping. Whipping
you into shape that is!" *chuckles as Lauren stands up and points to
watch.* "Guess that means I have to go. Some of us have winning records to
defend. Time for practice."
Petro:
"Ballet practice? "*snickers*
Griff:
M"y thighs are too muscular for tights. Perhaps you'd like a tutu in blue?"
Petro: "Your thighs are like little girl
thighs. Why do you pinch me so?"
*Margarite tugs on his arm*
Petro: "Oh, yes, it is time to go.
Griff must get his tutu and slippers."
Griff: "So you know
about little girl thighs? I only sleep with women, not little girls.*Lauren glares at Griff.*
Petro: "No, you do
not get joke. Russian humor is not good in English. I mean you have legs like
skinny girl. Now hockey players have real man legs. Yes, stop pulling on me. I
know it is time to go. "*Stands and extends hand to Griff*"Spasibo."
Griff: *Shakes hand* "Balls to the wall, Petro."
Petro:
"Yes, balls to the wall, Griffin Montgomery. When I think of you, I shall
always think of chicken ass."*walks off chuckling with arm draped over
Margarite`s shoulder*
Griff:
"Mush man."*Laces fingers with Lauren and heads for the parking lot.*
Vicki:
*Vicki looks at Jean over cup of decaf* Well that went better than I expected.
No blood was shed so that`s always a plus!"
Jean:
"Yes, and they ate a good breakfast. No need to call 911 for police, riot
squad or ambulance. Not bad." *lets out a breath.*
Vicki: "
I bet the next time a Wildcat and King get together it will be over eggs and
oatmeal!"*laughs*
Jean:
"Maybe. Or perhaps they need to discuss dinner? Footballers love steak.
What do hockey players eat?"
Vicki: "Dinner would be great! Maybe
Buddy could join Veikko for a night of fine dining out at the Aho mansion. Oh,
lots of high quality carbs, lean protein and tons of veggies. And if they have
grandmothers named Olaf, porridge made from buckwheat."
Jean: *laughs heartily* "High class Veikko vs. lower-class
Buddy would be a lot of fun!"
Vicki:
"Sounds like a date!"
CLICK TO GO TO PART ONE
Thank you for joining us. This idea came from the brilliant mind of Vicki Locey. Thank you, Vicki for inspiring this fun post.
GET PETRO'S BOOK, LANGUAGE OF LOVE, HERE
GET GRIFF'S BOOK, GRIFF MONTGOMERY, QUARTERBACK, HERE