Search This Blog

Saturday, May 16, 2015


(Caution, crude locker room language.)

Griff: "Just wondering why you couldn't tell if the players were men or women. Maybe hockey players don't have dicks? "*laughs* "That's why you can't see 'em. Hey is this pussy, kasha stuff always this color? Where are my eggs?" *Waitress nods.*" That's okay, honey." *winks at waitress*. "Serve the temperamental hockey dickless wonder first."

Petro:  "Trust me, footballer, we have dicks. And balls as well. And a Cup to put them in. Yes, it is always that color. Stop whining like mulish child and eat. These eggs are not scrambled, they are fried and loose."*wrinkles nose and prods at eggs with fork*

Griff: "Honey, could you please take that away and bring some scrambled eggs, with ham. And make them hard? Thanks. " *Turns to Petro* "At least something on your side of the table will be hard besides your head." *chuckles*"So you're fully equipped? You put it in a cup? "*bursts into laughter* " Why hide it? We wear cups too, but no one would aim at a guys dick. Guess lowlife hockey players do that. Shoot the puck at his dick, and then get the rebound and score while the guy in on the ground writhing in pain. Not really a sport, is it? Hey, bring me some maple syrup, brown sugar, strawberries and any other berries you have. Have to do some to this pussy food." *Makes a face* "Thanks, honey." *Smiles at the waitress*

Petro: "You would be funny if you were not so stupid. I meant the greatest trophy in the world, Lord Stanley`s Cup. And if you said bad words about The Cup, I will make your face even uglier." *raises fist*

Griff: *Raises palm*"No, no, I never say bad stuff about a trophy. Maybe just the dickless wonders who compete for it."

Petro: "You are not as stupid as you look. "*lowers fist and glances at waitress* "At least they make the coffee right. Your trophy is okay as well."

Griff: "Damn straight it is. And we get rings, too. What about you? *Piles on the maple syrup, berries and adds sugar*. This shit isn't so bad, when you fix it up a little. You think I look stupid? We go to a bar and I'll bet you more women come over to me than you. They love the way I look. Football is sexy, Americans know that."

Petro: "Yes, we too get rings when we win. Big ones with many diamonds." *cuts off some egg* "This is not all that bad. It still tastes like chicken ass. Ha-ha. That is funny! It is known American women love men from other countries. Just listen to my accent and tell me it is not sexiest sounding thing you hear ever."

Griff: "I've never tasted a chicken's ass." *laughs, takes a spoonful of oatmeal.*" Not so bad. Yeah, they love accents but they love hairy chests and tight abs. I can get laid five times with five different women in one night, if I want to."

Petro: "I have not either, but I think it tastes like egg. True, women love hairy chest and tight abs. Many tell me so when I am bedding one after another. I am like Russian bear. Go from one hot she-bear to another." *takes a small bite of egg*

Griff: "Ha ha! I've never fu—"
*Jean shouts from next booth* "GRIFF!!"\
"I've never had sex with an animal. It's illegal here. Does your Coach know you're screwing willdlilfe?"

Petro:  "HA!"*hits table with hand* "You should see my woman when I am giving her good love. She claws and bites like Russian she-bear in heat. It is because I have huge dick. *someone swats the back of Petro`s head* Ouch!" *looks up*"Oh, hello beloved. Griff, this is my love Margarite. And who is this other pretty lady?"

Griff: *Griff smiles sheepishly as his woman stares hard at him*" This is Lauren, my beautiful woman." She opens her mouth to speak, but he holds up his hand." I haven't said a word about the size of your...oh, uh. Never mind. Nice to meet you, Margarite. Have some eggs."

Petro: *slides over to let Margarite sit beside him*" She does not hear, so you must look at her face when talk. Nice to meet you, Lauren. Your man is having oatmeal and liking it so good. It will make him bear in bed."

Griff: "I'm already a lion in bed, right Lauren? "*Griff picks up plate and offers to Margarite. Lauren blushes* “See, she's speechless. Never had such good loving as she gets from me."
*Lauren picks up spoon with oatmeal on it and shoves it in Griff's mouth.*

Petro: *Margarite begins signing* "She says I talk much and say nothing. Wait. No! I say much good today. Ha! Your woman spoon feeds you like big baby!"

Griff: *tries to talk, but his mouth is stuffed.
Lauren:"He is a big baby. My big baby. "*Lauren pats his cheek as he chews.* "Have you been good today? Jean is shaking her head. Why is she doing that? *Griff shrugs and blushes*

Petro: "I knew he was big baby. And yes, I have been good. Do not look at me with evil eyes. Ask Vicki. *Margarite turns around to look at Vicki who shakes her head*

Lauren: "What are you eating, Griff? Is that oatmeal?" *Footballer nods.*" What did you put on it?"

Griff: "Maple syrup, brown sugar, fruit butter, and it's still...yucky."

Lauren: *laughs*Petro got you to eat oatmeal? That's a feat. No bacon and eggs?"
*Griff wipes chin* "Bring on the real man food. I've had enough of that baby mush. Pussy food."

Lauren:"Did you say pussy?" *stares hard at Griff*

Griff:"Oops. Sorry."
*Margarite`s eyebrows rise*

Petro:"He did well considering how he whimpered like toddler before food come. I too have tried the American breakfast. It is not bad. Not as good as Olaf`s kasha, but not bad."
*Margarite begins to sign. Petro nods*
“She says we are losing time. No. Making time short. No.Short on time! Ha! I am good with the English."

Griff: "Yeah, about as good as your judgment on breakfast food." *laughs*

Petro:" You will laugh out other side of face when that kasha kicks in. Your woman will wonder where mealy little football man went when she finds herself under a wild bear. Ouch! Why do you pinch me? *looks at Margarite who is gesticulating madly* "Ah. She says I am making big talk with no brains. Ha! Wait . . ."

Griff:" I'm already a wild stallion. A lion in the bedroom! If I get any wilder, she'll need a whip to tame me. Hmm. Interesting idea. Or maybe I could try it out on hockey players?"

Petro: "A horse ass perhaps."*Looks down at Margarite tapping his thick arm* "Yes, beloved. We are both horse asses? No, you did not read my lips good."
*Margarite throws her hands into the air*

Griff: "I guess she'll do the whipping. Whipping you into shape that is!" *chuckles as Lauren stands up and points to watch.* "Guess that means I have to go. Some of us have winning records to defend. Time for practice."

Petro: "Ballet practice? "*snickers*

Griff: M"y thighs are too muscular for tights. Perhaps you'd like a tutu in blue?"

Petro: "Your thighs are like little girl thighs. Why do you pinch me so?"
*Margarite tugs on his arm*

Petro: "Oh, yes, it is time to go. Griff must get his tutu and slippers."

Griff: "So you know about little girl thighs? I only sleep with women, not little girls.*Lauren glares at Griff.*

Petro: "No, you do not get joke. Russian humor is not good in English. I mean you have legs like skinny girl. Now hockey players have real man legs. Yes, stop pulling on me. I know it is time to go. "*Stands and extends hand to Griff*"Spasibo."

Griff: *Shakes hand* "Balls to the wall, Petro."

Petro: "Yes, balls to the wall, Griffin Montgomery. When I think of you, I shall always think of chicken ass."*walks off chuckling with arm draped over Margarite`s shoulder*

Griff: "Mush man."*Laces fingers with Lauren and heads for the parking lot.*

Vicki: *Vicki looks at Jean over cup of decaf* Well that went better than I expected. No blood was shed so that`s always a plus!"

Jean: "Yes, and they ate a good breakfast. No need to call 911 for police, riot squad or ambulance. Not bad." *lets out a breath.*

Vicki: " I bet the next time a Wildcat and King get together it will be over eggs and oatmeal!"*laughs*

Jean: "Maybe. Or perhaps they need to discuss dinner? Footballers love steak. What do hockey players eat?"

Vicki: "Dinner would be great! Maybe Buddy could join Veikko for a night of fine dining out at the Aho mansion. Oh, lots of high quality carbs, lean protein and tons of veggies. And if they have grandmothers named Olaf, porridge made from buckwheat."

Jean: *laughs heartily* "High class Veikko vs. lower-class Buddy would be a lot of fun!"

Vicki: "Sounds like a date!"


Thank you for joining us. This idea came from the brilliant mind of Vicki Locey. Thank you, Vicki for inspiring this fun post. 



Monday, May 11, 2015


Welcome! This week's prompt is "twenty". I'm continuing Maggie's Story. Don't forget to go back to Tuesday Tales for awesome stories! 
Maggie pulled the sheet up to cover her chest, then sat up, resting her elbows on  her knees. John smoothed his palm down her bare back.
“What’s to become of us? We can’t carry on in their home. I guess we’ll have to sneak away now and then.”
“We’re together every day, Sweetheart.”
“Not really. You’re driving, I’m cleaning. You’re running errands, I’m cooking.”
“Just like any husband and wife. Then we’ll have evening time together.”
“Where? Where will we go? Your room or mine?”
John chuckled. Maggie slapped his leg gently.
“Stop. You know what I mean. Not for lovin’, just to talk. Watch TV. Like regular folk. We’re not regular folk. We’re servants.”
She sighed.
“Maybe, if we shared a bedroom, they’d let us turn the other one into a sitting room?”
“Fancy that!” She laughed. “I’m sure they’d find some use for that extra room.”
“You don’t know The Roberts long. I’ve been with them for two years. They’re not like that. Besides. If they make it nice for us, we’ll stay.”
Maggie turned to face John. “I’m not moving in with you, to live together in sin. Nope.” She shook her head.
“Then marry me,” John cupped her cheek.   
Maggie’s eyes watered as silence filled the room.
“Oh come on. You wouldn’t've spent the night if you didn’t care for me. You’re not one of those easy girls.”
John passed a tissue to her and Maggie wiped her eyes.
“I’m not. But what if we have a child? Where will we live? We can’t stay there.”
“We’ll save our money. And when junior comes along, we’ll have enough to get our own place.”
“You want a child?”
“With you, Maggie? Delightful. Heavenly.”
She grinned. “You’re such a silly man. How could I marry someone so silly?”
“How could you not?”
Maggie lay back down, snuggling her head into his shoulder. John leaned over and kissed her neck.
“Fancy a repeat?” He whispered. She nodded.
Later, they toted egg sandwiches and coffee to the beach. It was eight o’clock in the morning. They had the shore to themselves.
“How do you want to do it? Tell them or sneak off on our own?” He asked, offering her a sandwich.
“On our own. My mum'd say we don’t have a chance.”
“Really?” He cocked an eyebrow.
“You don’t know me.”
“Are you a serial killer? Bank robber? Con woman?”
She shook her head.
“How long d'you think it'll last?” She asked.
“I wasn’t really thinking much beyond the first twenty. But I’d guess a good fifty years or so.”
Maggie laughed. “Fifty. That’s all?”
“Til death then. That do it?”