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Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Dating Lies
Today we have two dating lies, neither intended to hurt, one didn’t and the other one did.

Cathy’s story
            Please understand I was a very shy, unpopular teenager. I never would have made the first move in any way without encouragement of some kind. I went to a dance at our house of worship. There were a couple of boys from our high school there and I was looking pretty okay. To my surprise two of the boys danced with me all the time. One, Bob, monopolized every fast dance and the other one, Billy, every slow one. (Only my name is changed, theirs are real.)

            My shy little head was turned. Several weeks later, our high school was having a Sadie Hawkins Dance, which where the girls invite the boys. After my previous success, I was emboldened. I made up my mind to ask Bob to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. He was a pretty popular guy, involved in school government and seemingly liked by all.

You have no idea how overjoyed I was when he accepted! I couldn’t believe I was going to the dance with Bob. I rarely went to high school dances. I told my small circle of friends and they were excited for me, too.

Two days before the dance, Bob called and told me his parents were making him go to a youth group function at our synagogue so he had to cancel the dance with me. I was upset but told my friends what he told me and accepted it. Of course, it was too late for me to ask Billy who was already going with someone else and I didn’t have the nerve to ask anyone else.

How naïve was I? Plenty! The day after the dance my friends came running to me to inform me Bob had indeed gone to the dance but with Nancy, a beautiful girl much more popular than I. I was devastated, crushed, I wanted to die. I believed him completely, had no idea he was going with Nancy. Nancy, being the nice person she was, never would have asked him if she knew I had. But he lied to me and to her. I discovered exactly what public humiliation in a small town felt like at 14 years old.

Everyone knew the truth. I could hardly drag myself to our small high school Monday after the dance and face people. I stopped speaking to Bob and never asked anyone to a Sadie Hawkins dance again.

Years went by. To shorten the story, let me say I was hitching a ride with Bob’s mother (a friend of my mom) to the train station to go to my brother’s engagement party. I was 21 now and much improved in the looks and style department and dressed to kill for the party.

While I was waiting in her car, who should come up and hop in the backseat? Bob, of course. He climbed in, his face lighting up at seeing me. He couldn’t have been more charming and more interested in me, quietly amazed at my transformation. But sometimes the pain of a lie does not go away. I enjoyed torturing him as much as I could by flirting and shutting him down when he asked me out before I got out of the car.

When someone asks you about revenge, what do you say? I say I would have traded a thousand revenges against Bob to have the shy little teen get her wish and go to the dance with him, even if he was a jerk.

My Story
Sometimes a well-intentioned lie can be a good thing. This happened when I was 25 years old. I don’t remember how I came to have a date with Roger, but right before he was due to pick me up, I had a small accident in my apartment, got stabbed by something metal and had to get it dressed and get a tetanus shot.

I greeted Roger at the door saying I had to go to the emergency room. Many guys would have backed out, made an excuse and taken off, but not Roger. He came with me, sat there with me the whole time, even came into the back room and held my hand when they gave me the shot. I was amazed and almost in love.

Then we went out, several hours after the date was scheduled to begin. We went down to Chinatown, ate dinner and walked around, talking. As sweet as Roger was, it was clear to me he liked me much more than I liked him. There were some things in his life which gave me great pause, like an out-of-wedlock child with a woman he didn’t see anymore and so on.

As sweet as he was, we were not going to be compatible, he was not the one for me and the euphoria of his being so caring wore off quickly. Still, you had to give the man big points for being so supportive.

I had a dilemma. I knew I didn’t want to go out with Roger again, but I didn’t want to hurt him. Every woman knows how a guy hates to call you for a date and get shot down. What to do? I lied. I told him I was looking for a husband because I wanted to get married and have six children right away. I told him I had been in therapy for five years…five days a week. There were other fictions but I those were the most earth-shaking. 

I may have laid it on a little thick, but for a good cause, saving Roger’s feelings.  He was so polite and nice, he never looked appalled though I could feel his ardor cooling.

I felt good when he took me home. No pass was made, a nice good-bye kiss at the door and Roger was out of there. Of course he never called me again. I will never forget his kindness and felt good I repaid him by saving him a rejection. Not every lie is a bad idea.


Thank you to all who participated. There were so many different selections, I thought you'd want to see them all, so here they are with the top five that received the most votes first:

Top Five
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days   
While You Were Sleeping   
The Quiet Man 
The Holiday  

In alphabetical order (ignoring articles)
Bridges of Madison County
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dirty Dancing
Gone with the Wind
The Horse Whisperer
Love, Actually
Moulin Rouge
The Notebook
Practical Magic
Pride and Prejudice
She’s the Man
Sweet November
A Walk to Remember
You’ve Got Mail


Sunny Days/Moonlit Nights available at:


Lee Ann Sontheimer Murphy said...

Reminds me of the date where the guy came to pick me up and I had suffered a spider bite. He decided that I really should go the hospital - very caring guy - but the relationship didn't mature into romantic although we did become very good friends!

kathleenball said...

confession wednesday is really a fun idea!!

Charlotte McClain said...

I much prefer your method for getting rid of a guy you don't click with. I had to not answer my phone for two weeks to get rid of a guy once.

Kim Bowman Author said...

Reminds me of the time I was supposed to meet a guy at a group event for a blind date. I noticed him (having seen a picture) from a distance and was immediately turned off. He was handsome, but there was just something I sensed that told me to run the other way. I told my friend who'd set it up to tell the guy I hadn't been able to make it. I felt like I'd been saved from a very uncomfortable situation - for both of us. That was, until I noticed him talking to my sister!!! They ended up hitting it off and getting married. Of course, my instincts were right, they're now divorced and he never sees his son. I can't help but wonder if I should have just been honest with him and maybe he wouldn't have been interested in the sister of the girl who blew him off. Of course, then I wouldn't have my nephew and I would hate that!