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Sunday, January 22, 2012

You want to be a romance writer? What are you, nuts?

Do you really want to be a romance writer?
Here’s a checklist of possible hurdles you’ll have to face:
1)    Own a laptop so you can leave the house when writing or editing. Folks at home don't think twice about interrupting you and your “hobby” whenever they damn well feel like it.
2)     You family may either disown you or sign you up for a course in auto mechanics so you can earn a living.
3)     Be prepared for questions like, “so you write those trashy novels,” said to me by a friend, who’s never read my books.
4)     Be prepared to say “no” when friends ask you to take in their deliveries, run their errands, take care of their kids after school…lord knows, you’re not doing anything important and you’re home, right?
5)     Be prepared to leave the phone unanswered because your friends will call to unload their problems, looking for a sympathetic ear, because…lord knows, you’re not doing anything important, right? 
6)     Be prepared to have male colleagues, family friends and total strangers sidle up to you asking about sex, because, after all, you write about it, that makes you an expert.
7)    Be ready for men asking you for sex, texting, PM’ing,  or emailing you for sex. Especially men from love-starved places like Iran.
8)     Don’t get rattled if you hear dear old dad lean over and say to a friend, “I have no idea what the hell she does.”
9) You’ll hear “Hey, what do you really do for a living?”
10) Be prepared to have any idiot on the Internet who’s having a bad day rip you and your book to shreds in front of hundreds of thousands of people.
11) Take it (#11) in total silence. Grind your teeth, but don’t dare open your mouth…or the whole world will bash you in the biggest pile on you’ve ever seen, making a professional sports pile on looking like a kid’s game.
12) Promoting – are you ready to do all the promotion for your book yourself and then get slammed by Nasty Nancy’s for self-promoting? Haven’t they heard of Catch-22?
13) Then…welcome to the club! NOW YOU WILL…. 
14)  Bask in the glow of rave reviews from readers who “get” your book and love your writing.

15) Spend your days immersed in a world of love, romance, conflicts, resolutions…and yes, sex!

16) Work harder than you thought possible to obtain a fabulous book you’re proud of and readers love.

17) Sign a contract with a publisher, someone who believes in you and your work as much as you do.

18) Feel the giddy excitement when you receive a beautiful, new book cover created by your loving publisher.
19) Feel the thrill of the release of your new book.

20) Be the envy of others who slave away at jobs they hate.

21) Be the envy of women whose men think you’re super sexy because you write about sex. (Even if they're wrong!)

22) Receive email from readers who were touched by your work or fell in love with your heroes or read all your books.

23) Be doing the one thing in the world you want to do more than anything else.

Contemporary romance, 3 flames.


Kellie Kamryn said...

LOL! Wait - you mean I'm NOT an expert on sex? Glad I got the memo now, lol This is a great post! I'm sharing :)

Kellie Kamryn said...

oh and my dad knows what I do and wants a copy of my book, LOL

Kendel Davi said...

Great advice and funny to. Yeah, I love being a member of the club and I never use the word "member" in my writing. Good stuff. It makes me proud that I do what I do.

Jeanine said...

So true! Great post.

linda said...

I found a new adult sexting community and its great. I tried it and really liked it